5 Keys To Dealing with Tough People.

    by Ndali Modebe September 18, 2018

    Are the People you have around you Driving you Crazy?

    Are you fighting hard to hold your temper and words down?

    Does your heart skip a beat when you bump into them at work, in church, the mall or any other meeting place? Fear no more my Darlings, D.A.M.E is here for you. If there’s someone you always dread interacting with, you might be in a toxic relationship. Stick around to find out how to deal with Tough People.

    1. What are your Fears? Identify and Face them.

    We are all faced with different Social Fears they come in one form of the other. It might be fear of Criticisms, Rejection, or Humiliation. Identify them Face them and Conquer them. We all have social fears — like being rejected, a person not liking you, or being criticized — but for each of us, these hang-ups are different based on our life experiences.

    “If you listen to the Praises of Men, their Criticisms will destroy you.”

    – Reinhard Bonnke

    “When you interact with people, what are you afraid of?” asks Relationship Expert, Author Van Edwards. Whatever forces you into survival mode and makes you feel anxious, will make you act irrationally. Pay attention to that these fears are to help you move past them.

    2. Figure out the other person’s Fears and Capture the Emotion

    Van Edwards writes in her book Captivate that difficult people aren’t bad people. She believes that their fears put them in constant survival mode so they’re acting out of fear and without reason. If someone is driving you bonkers, ask yourself, “What is this person afraid of?” When talking with that person, listen to what “emotion words” they are using. “Emotion words,” writes Van Edwards, “indicate inner fears.” For example, if an annoying coworker says to you, “I’m so upset about the promotion at work! I’m so pissed I didn’t get it. It’s just so unfair,” the emotion words in their speech would be “upset,” “pissed,” and “unfair.” Now that you’ve figured out what emotion words they’re using, try to get to the root of their fear. Reflect back what you heard, like, “Not getting a promotion seems so unfair.” Then you might say, “Give me a sense of what you’re feeling.” If they’re not vocal about their emotions, try to distinguish what emotions you’re reading on their face.

    3. Understand the feeling and Transform the Fear. Writes Van Edwards, “Once someone feels heard, their fear begins to disengage and you can deal with a more rational person.” The question to ask yourself once you’ve acknowledged their feelings is, “What is this person seeking?” Understanding what they truly want is helpful for working through their problems. Van Edwards suggests the phrase “Tell me what happened that made you feel this way” as an ice-breaker. Once you understand what’s driving this person’s behavior, then Van Edwards recommends asking, “What needs to happen for you to feel better?” This type of question allows the difficult person to name next steps. Of course, it doesn’t mean that they will take actions to resolve their issues, but it helps to defuse tense situations.

    4. Say NO! to TOXIC Relationships.

    You’ll find that some toxic people have deep-seated fears that make them completely intolerable. Van Edwards writes, “Give yourself permission to say no to the toxic people who drain you. You deserve to interact on your terms, with people you like.” If you have trouble saying NO! to this person, Van Edwards recommends phrases such as “I’m so sorry I won’t be able to join” or “How wonderful of you to offer” as a gentle way to say NO!

    5. Set Firm Boundaries. If you have a hard time disengaging with a difficult person who tries to coax you into do something you don’t want to do, setting up boundaries is a healthy way to stop saying yes to what drives you nuts. If you hate large social gatherings, but your coworker insists that you come to her big birthday bash, you can say, “Sorry, I can’t make the party. Can I take you out to brunch tomorrow?” If it’s hard for you to share this in person, ask if you can check your calendar, then email or text your response so you can compose your words carefully.

    What’s your Best Tip for dealing with Difficult People? Please Drop your Comments below let us know your thoughts.


    With Love.

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