• It’s Not All about Us - Crosswalk Couples Devotional - November 16
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    It's Not All about Us
    By Anne Peterson

    Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. - 1 Corinthians 13:5-6

    Mike and I attended a marriage workshop at a chapel when he was in the army in Germany. The chaplain had just explained that when we come into marriage, we bring baggage. Having grown up in an abusive home, I wasn't excited about the baggage I was bringing to our marriage. I figured it nothing good could come from it.

    The more the chaplain explained, the more I understood. We are adults, but we still have a lot of the tapes playing in our minds that we grew up with. I wish I could throw some of mine away.

    Growing up, we never knew what to expect in our home, so one of my coping mechanisms was control. And though it was used as a means of survival, now it was ineffective. And more importantly, it was not what God wanted me to do.

    One weekend Mike wanted us to drive around Germany and stop in some little towns. I'm not sure what I wanted to do, but let's just say, it was different than what Mike wanted.

    But I didn't tell him that outright. Instead, I'd just went along with what he wanted, without a word. Surely after a while he would ask me what I wanted to do, right?

    I hoped Mike would somehow read my mind. Was that fair? Not at all. In the meantime, I became more and more resentful as the day wore on, and it looked as though my desires were not going to be met. Those silent, hidden desires.

    First, I started snapping at him. Short answers, and nothing more. And finally when he asked what was wrong. I let him know in uncertain terms that what he chose was not what I wanted. Then for part of the ride I just clammed up, and didn't say a word. Just like my mother did countless times. No amount of pleading would get her to utter a word. We felt so shut out. It was awful.

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