• When You Want Your Husband to Lead - Crosswalk Couples Devotional - November 6
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    When You Want Your Husband to Lead
    By: Gina Smith

    "…your desire shall be against your husband, and he shall rule over you." - Genesis 3:16

    Before I was married, the conversations I had with my single friends often revolved around the topic of what kind of man we wanted to marry. At the top of the list of qualities we were looking for was the most important quality:

    He had to be a godly leader.

    We were looking for our godly leader to come sweep us off our feet and lead us through life. We wouldn't settle for anything less. And of course, we were ready to be led. Or so we thought. Oh, we meant well. It all sounded good. But the truth of the matter is that none of us really had a clue what biblical leadership really meant and none of us really wanted to be led. We thought we did, but if we had taken a closer look at the scriptures we would have seen the sobering reality that lies within every female heart:

    Our desire is to rule over men.

     "…your desire shall be against your husband, and he shall rule over you." Genesis 3:16

    One by one my friends and I got married. Off into the sunset we went! But it didn't take long for us to see that we hadn't married the leaders we had dreamed of. They weren't doing it right. They weren't doing it right at all. So, we decided it was our job to instruct them.  We began to point out the ways in which they needed to grow in their leadership abilities, and if they tried to make any major decisions we questioned them.

    I remember clearly the day that my husband and I sat in our pastor's office. We had been married for less than a year and my husband was failing miserably as a leader — at least in my estimation he was. Discouraged and defeated, my husband willingly agreed to go with me to talk with our pastor about the problem. After we (I) stated our case, my pastor paused for a few seconds, looked at both of us, then directed his full attention to me and said very kindly yet sternly, "Gina, do you realize that there is more than one style of leadership? Brian has a particular personality and will lead you in his own way. He is growing in his leadership abilities and you need to allow him to do that."

    I was completely humbled and ashamed at how I had been treating my precious husband. I had been so busy holding him to an ideal of what I thought leadership should look like, that I had missed all that my husband was already doing and what a kind, gentle, grace filled leader he had already been growing in to!

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